Baffling Beginnings...
How to not earn a DNF from a reader before page 5!
One of my favorite editorial tasks is completing a manuscript evaluation. This is a product that has really taken off over the last few years, and here’s why. When I complete a manuscript assessment, I’m looking at the following aspects of the book:
The premise is appropriate for the genre/sub-genre. A good example of this is including tropes and archetypes in a horror novel that a horror reader would expect to see.
The genre expectations are met, such as including consent or protection conversations in a romance, ending in an HEA, etc.
The structure fits the genre or sub-genre, so for example, a thriller or mystery has both an A and B plot.
The story beats and character(s) arc(s) are clear and in the right places. So many authors think they have these things in place but when I point them out, it’s clear that the arc of the main character is too flat or sometimes completely flat!
The essential foundations of the genre are clear and provide a strong “hook.” This is a tough one, but you can’t sell a rom-com without both the rom and the com, and that means characters, stakes, conflict, and a whole lot more PLUS the comedy!
The pacing is engaging and in line with genre expectations. Hopefully, if the above items work, then the pacing will work, but what about a great idea that is not well executed? A content edit can identify the need for line editing, trimming back the author’s voice, or other issues that make the story move too slowly.
Market trends and comp titles. This is a big one for me. When I provide a manuscript assessment, I need to know what titles my client will be competing against once this book is published. If, for example, the book widely departs from what the competition is doing, I can offer guidance on what the competition is doing, how the are doing it, and why my client should make decisions fully informed about the rest of the market space they would like to be in.
Now, these are a lot of big-picture issues, and believe it or not, I can tell whether most these things are in place from the first 3-5 pages of a book. Why is that? Because most well-executed books have certain things in common, just like books that need work generally have certain things in common.
Here are the top three things I can tell from the first 3-5 pages of a book that will lead me down the rabbit hole of revisions…and will lead a reader to DNF your book! (DNF is short for Did Not Finish!)
The opening line isn’t a strong hook based on the character’s emotions or a story stake
What does this mean? It means that you as a writer have one sentence to hook your reader. The best way to do that is with emotion tied to a character that we will come to care about or with a stake of some kind. Now you certainly can open with a weak hook or no hook at all. But consider these opening lines:
Conscription Day is always the deadliest.
Fourth Wing Rebecca Yarros
Black boys like me don’t have magic powers.
Blood at the Root, LaDarrion Williams
A Carolina first-year sprints through the darkness and launches himself off the cliff into the moonlit night.
Legendborn, Tracy Deonn
When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold.
The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins
If you look closely at each of these opening lines, you’ll see exactly what I said above: The opening lines all provide some kind of deep stake for the story or create a connection to the character’s emotions that is evocative in some way. Probably the least engaging hook is the one from The Hunger Games, and yet this book is one of the most textbook brilliant books I’ve ever read. (I’ll write a post just about this book at some point!)
When you open the book with a deep stake, you’re throwing the reader into the deep end and forcing us to sink or swim! We’re either in or out, but there is no languishing about being unsure whether we want to go back to TikTok or keep reading. An opening hook has to pay off, though, and that leads me to #2 on my list.
The hook has to quickly pay off into a character and plot I not only understand—I have to have some emotional connection to both.
What does this mean? After hooking me, you’ve got to deliver on what that hook promises. In Fourth Wing, we learn really quickly that the main character is facing conscription day—a day she does not expect to survive! Most authors want to spend some time setting up their story for the reader, but if the essential building blocks of your story are working, you can start with an inciting incident (the moment everything changes, the disruption to the status quo) and take off running. No need to give the reader 5, 10 or even 20 pages to get their bearings in your universe. We’re used to being dropped in the middle of the action, and we expect you to effortlessly weave in everything we need to know once you let the bomb drop on page one!
The narrative is flat and emotionless.
As an editor, I like to remind clients to self-edit every page of their books before the click publish, hire an editor, or send drafts off to betas. Self-editing for the emotional arc of your main character is one of the easiest self-edits to complete.
Try this for yourself in something you’re working on now. Pick three pages across your work in progress and read just one page. Ask yourself to describe in one word how the main character is feeling and how the reader should feel in that scene. Where are the clues that the reader should pick up on? In dialogue? In the action? In the description?
When you’re trying to move characters from one scene to another, it can be too easy to fall into dead prose or narrative that doesn’t work for your characters—and by extension won’t move your readers.
Compare these two sentences. Which one offers you insight into the emotions of the characters and/or stakes of the world.
Charlotte looked both ways before crossing the street.
or
Blood thundered in Charlotte’s ears as she paused at the crosswalk, hardly registering the amber Do Not Walk sign before glancing both ways and dashing across the street.
Now in version one, the character could be out for a stroll, relaxed and at ease. Or, she could be pursued by a demon let loose from a magical artifact. We don’t know when in time this scene is happening, and we don’t have a clue whether this is something important or just window-dressing for what’s to come.
But in the second sentence, yes, there is more detail, but it’s not the volume that matters—it’s the emotions and the stakes. We can tell Charlotte must be running, being pursued, or otherwise under pressure or fear. The fact that she crosses against the light changes the “crossing the street” from something that is routine to something we need to know more about.
The connotations of words, the show/tell of the narrative choices, and the overall impact on the reader moves from “meh” to “wow” with just a few deliberate choices.
Hooking the reader is a job for every scene and every chapter, but it’s never more important than in the opening 3-5 pages. That’s when, like on a speed date, you show the reader why they should be interested in your characters and universe enough want to stick around. Avoid the dreaded DNF and make sure your pacing and hooks are strong and that you deliver on those promises page after page!
Need an assist with your manuscript? Manuscript evaluations are a budget-friendly way to get expert guidance on what’s working and what you still need to work on. Thanks for reading!
Another great piece, Jeanne!